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When she realized that she was entering menopause, Pamela Roch immediately begin to wonder how her "change of life" might affect her relationship with her husband Chuck. One night, they sat down together and talked at length about all of their worries and concerns. This conversation sparked Pamela's idea for her popular lecture series, "Menopause for Dummies," which gives both men and women ideas and advice for dealing with the problems brought on by menopause.
According to Pamela's work with thousands of people of both sexes, that the two sexes have entirely different fears about menopause. Men tend to worry more about the physical and behavioral affects on their partner. They tend to think more about mood swings and a possible reduced sex drive. A few men are also of the mistaken belief that women go "crazy" during menopause.
On the other hand, women tend to stress about how menopause will affect their emotions. They are also concerned and worry if the important people in their lives will provide the emotional support they need. Pamela found that they were worried that their husbands would leave them or not be supportive. She found that most couples can benefit from a three pronged approach.
It's important for couples to have some very basic information about just how menopause works, and the effects it will and won't have on the body. Dr. Susan Franklin, who teaches part of Pamela's lectures, says that people generally overestimate how much menopause affects them. "We hear many myths about menopause in popular culture," says Franklin, who continues, "We assume we'll turn into raging witches with hairy chins and constant hot flashes." The reality is that most women experience only mild effects.
Second, couples need to receive some form of family therapy in order to assist them in sharing their fears and worries with one another. In Pamela's workshops, small group therapy sessions are offered, led by a board-certified therapist. In these sessions, men and women are encouraged to talk to one another and share their concerns and articulate their needs. Sex therapy is also useful to increase libido - often a problem in female menopause.
Third, according to Pamela, most couples will benefit from some medical treatment to deal with the more nagging or problematic symptoms of menopause. This will differ from woman to woman, but some women can benefit from mild medications to treat hot flashes, unwanted hair growth, and mood swings. Low doses of hormones and/or antidepressants are sometimes a great help for women struggling with menopause, and can be tapered off of later if they are no longer needed.
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