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My Friends
Is Divorce Really a Leap in the Dark?
Autor: jameswalsh :: Views: 103 ::
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In many cases, splitting up, and getting divorced, is preferable to remaining together ‘for the sake of the children’ or to keep up the social appearances. Whether or not divorce is appropriate depends on the kind of relationship one has. Some relationships are worth working on and some are not.
No couple enters into a marriage thinking that they will be the ones who won’t make it. But with passage of time, as dreams shatter, as you tire of arguments and there is lack of communication, as you try to understand the pain and determine what to do, divorce looks like an appealing way out.
Before you run out on your marriage, take a break to look at what you will be diving into. Most people are not prepared for challenges of post-divorce life. Divorce is a process often initiated by people who are unprepared for the consequences, and these consequences are:
1. Emotional: You experience feelings of depression, anxiety, stress and panic. At times, you also feel guilty for not being able to save your marriage or to protect your children from the trauma.
2. Physical: You experience sleeplessness resulting in feeling tired all the time. You may experience a change in appetite resorting to comfort-eating or eating very little. Digestive problems may crop up with a ‘sick’ feeling in your stomach.
3. Mental: You feel confused. Irritable and snappy. You might experience extreme mood swings, exhibit an appalling memory, loss of concentration and loss of interest in things you used to enjoy.
4. Psychological: You may drown in self-pity and experience loss of self-esteem and self-worth. You feel like a failure and also feel rejected and lonely.
5. Financial: There is loss in financial income, legal costs mount up. Alimony and child support dig deep into your pockets and there is a marked fall in the standard of living especially that of women.
These are some of the problems a person has to face after a divorce. A divorce is, however, not the end of the world but can be a new beginning of a new life. Divorce is painful and there is no shortcut to take away the pain quickly - it is something that has to be worked through. In fact, you are dealing with grief, rejection or a broken heart; it represents the growing process which is so important to bring out the real healing.
The healing process can only start once you accept the sad fact of divorce as reality and let the past go. For this one has to:
1. Believe in Life after Divorce: It may sound unbelievable but you will go on - life will be what you make it now onwards.
2. Get out of Denial: Accept the reality that your marriage did not work out. Face it and move on to make a new beginning.
3. Do not Waste Life: Grieving does not have a time frame but life does. Whether you want it or not, life is marching on. Do not waste it and get on with the task of raising your children, finding yourself and becoming a happy, meaningful, productive member of society.
4. Ditch Negativity: Throw away negative thoughts like ‘my life is over’, I have lost everything’ etc. out of your mind. They affect the way you feel physically.
5. Do not Waste Time with Regret: At some point, remembering the past has to stop and new lessons need to be learnt. Do not regret what happened but rejoice in the fact that you can choose what you want to do ‘now’.
6. Be an Example for Your Children: Kids have their own issues. Don’t compound them by moping about the past in front of them. Give them hope and be their strength by being strong and positive.
Once you have left the past behind, move on with living life. Establish a new relationship with your ex as common allies for your children. Discuss the feelings of your kids with them and involve them in future planning to empower them with a sense of control. Make a plan of parenting, financial solutions, job, housing etc. Create a support group of trusted friends and relatives for emotional support, professional guidance and constant inspiration. Consolidate your resources and assets and programme yourself for success. Making time for yourself is important as the most important gift you can give your children is to take care of their parents.
You will get the life you think you deserve. You can choose to see your divorce as an end or a new beginning. The choice is yours to make.
Source: Free Articles
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