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My Friends
Custody Battles of Single Fathers
Autor: jameswalsh :: Views: 163 ::
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The claim of biological fatherhood of a father is upheld only by the mother's moral and physical chastity. Without the mother desiring so, there is no weight in the claims of the biological father.
Times are changing and fatherhood is being reinvented. More and more fathers are becoming involved in nurturing their children and, in many cases, adopting the role of primary care-giver. Though an increasing number of children are being raised by single fathers, their numbers are dwarfed by the increase in children without fathers.
There is a lopsided focus on ‘irresponsible’ men who get divorced and often leave their children. The fact is that it is usually mothers who initiate divorce and that single parent family is on the rise also because many women are embracing unwed motherhood by choice - often through artificial insemination.
A child’s well-being is a product of many complicated factors. Research has time and again reinforced the fact that all else being equal, children with two-parents tend to fare better in everything from academic achievement to psychological well-being. Despite the ill-effects of single parent families, a lot of mothers are choosing single parenthood intentionally.
The point to be noted here is that single parenthood by choice almost always reinforces gender inequality. Due to biology, it is far less available to men. Celebrated by many as an expression of female autonomy, single motherhood actually enshrines the stereotype of child rearing and family as a female domain. It radically alienates men from the family.
Some arguments for the importance of a father in a child’s life rest on rigid gender stereotypes i.e. dads push towards achievement and growth while moms give unconditional love and comfort. These, in modern times, do not match the personality of actual men and women. Who is to say that a father cannot give unconditional love and support to his child? A male presence contributes something unique to a child’s world and a single mother’s support network can rarely replace a father.
Women are demanding an active participation of fathers in running a household and bringing up children in a two-parent family. Father’s contention of being terribly ill-equipped to do much is severely criticized as an escapist attitude. On the contrary, when a father seeks to be a single father, his request is denied on the basis of traditional wisdom that it is a mother’s prerogative to bring up children and only they can do a good job of it. These contradictions in society’s attitudes and prevalent double standards regarding a father’s capability as a parent are the issues which need to be addressed.
Even our legal system and family law are tilted unevenly in favour of mothers. The father is presumed to be the offender and his rights are ignored. Maximum numbers of court cases are decided in favour of mothers based on the presumption that fathers cannot be good parents.
A good, loving father also has to prove his commitment towards his children in case he wants to play a significant role in their lives. He has to build a case illustrating his capability as a parent for even meaningful access to his children, let alone for their sole custody.
Even if he is a better parent and economically more secure, his parenting capabilities are always open to scrutiny. A mother’s parenting skills are accepted as ‘God’s gift’ due to the fact that they give birth to the children. The task to win single custody of a well-intentioned father is often made difficult and jeopardized by a bitter and revengeful mother trying to get child custody even after a bitter divorce.
The only silver lining behind this dark cloud is that the numbers of such single father families are steadily rising. They are bringing up families and successfully so. Also, the negative effects of single father families on the children are no different than those on single mother families. Although rare, there are many circumstances in which fathers are winning custody battles:
1. Death of a spouse.
2. Alcohol or substance abuse by the mother deeming her unfit as a parent not in control of her actions.
3. Mental illness or chronic depression making the mother medically unfit to be in charge of her children and often neglecting them.
4. Irresponsible behaviour such as compulsive shoplifting or fast driving which has an adverse effect on the children and even endangers their lives.
5. Abandonment where the mother intentionally disappears from her children’s life for no reason and is untraceable.
6. Child abuse - physical or mental.
7. Criminal record of serious crimes or of recurring nature with poor chances of reform.
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