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Online Dating Fairy Tales
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Once upon a time, in a virtual land hosted far, far away, two star-crossed lovers began their digital journey toward relationship bliss. It was a perilous journey, fraught with dangers on every side, where they were forced to fight off the evil monsters that lurk around every HTML corner, and under every database rock.
But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let me start over.
Once upon a time the handsome prince was presented with a number of local princesses as dating possibilities. Unfortunately the prince declared that each of them had a “wonderful personality,” and with these magic words rendered each of them un-datable. The source of this magic is unknown, though many modern princes seem to have made prolific use of it.
So the prince turns to the world of Online Dating. He hopes that by making himself available to the wide world of available princesses he can find the one that has a wonderful personality and happens to be drop dead gorgeous.
So into the Land of Online Dating he goes. It's not a simple journey. Nor is it a quick one. The Land of Online Dating is a popular one these days, and quite a few villages with different local character have popped up along the road.
Some villages are much larger than others, but the troll that guards the bridge and collects the toll (the Toll Troll?) is asking for a lot. He's a pesky troll, always following you around and extracting your precious gold pieces every month. Some village Toll Trolls are even more focused on keeping the prince inside the Online Dating village than they are keeping him out.
So the prince begins to look for a little help. This comes in the form of the village wise man, otherwise known as a Personality Profile (call him Elder Profile for short). Elder Profile has a lot of education and occasionally a celebrity or two comes along to endorse his words of wisdom. The prince thinks these guys are pretty cool and, before he knows it, the Toll Troll has lightened his purse once more, just so that he could spend some time with the Elder.
The problem is that Elder Profile is a firm believer that the wonderful personality spell is not, in fact, a curse but a boon. The prince has some trouble with this because Elder Profile won't let him choose his own princess but insists that the prince take his advice. Given the amount of money the Toll Troll took, why wouldn't he? What is he doing in the Land of Online Dating if he didn't want to take this approach?
So the prince continues wandering throughout the Land of Online Dating. He stops at a couple of sites that cater to people... who really have no interest in anything long term. He doesn't spend much time there because he doesn't get to be king until he's found a princess who is ready for a serious relationship.
The prince quickly learns of a few more dangers that are common in the Land of Online Dating. So many princesses are never quite what they claimed to be once they meet in the Non-Digital Land. And this is troublesome to the prince because he would like to know that the person he is choosing (the one who is completely invulnerable to the “wonderful personality” spell) is actually the same person on both sides of the Digital Line.
Of course, no fairy tale is complete unless the hero leans a lesson, and our prince is starting to learn that a personality really does matter.
So finally the prince finds the village he really needs. Here he can choose the princess he thinks he would like, and then Elder Profile steps in to advise him on whether that would be a good idea or not. The Toll Troll was even fairly gentle when he crossed the bridge.
It takes a little work, but the prince eventually finds the princess who is perfect for him.
Ah, but this isn't the end of the story. It's just the beginning, because it just so happens that Princess Perfect actually lives in a kingdom many, many miles away. And that leaves the prince with a few more lessons to learn.
But that will have to wait for the next Online Dating Fairy Tale.
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